By Bisi Adewale
It was discovered that a great proportion of women who killed their husbands did so because they suspected or confirmed that their men were sleeping with other women. Technology has made adultery and fornication very common nowadays. It is easier to get connected to people you’ve never met before through social media like Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc.
Many websites connect both single and married people for sex at a fee. Dating websites aid married people who want to cheat on their spouses to do so secretly. Even married people meet singles just for sex is very common on the internet.
Pornographic websites are said to be more than 75% of all websites on the internet. 35% of all internet downloads are related to porn. 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails. It is also easier than before to keep an illicit relationship outside marriage through the use of mobile phones, chatting applications, social media, etc.
Please note that lots of women are also sleeping around, but it is more prevalent among men. However, do not generalise that all men are sleeping around.
A young executive came to me some weeks ago. His problem, a young lady was transferred to his office to work as his secretary. The lady in question was so sexy and daring. She did everything to lure the young man to bed. He wanted to know what to do to avoid sleeping with her and not to cheat on his wife. He said he had been married for 13 years and had never slept with anybody apart from his wife. Many men who are committed to their wedding vows but facing this problem still come to us for counselling. Yours may be one of them. If not, killing him is not the answer to your problem.
If you discover or suspect that your husband is sleeping with someone else apart from you, there are many things you must do quickly.
Read this piece carefully and follow the instructions given to avoid falling into the error of killing your spouse and becoming a murderer in the process:
GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT, DON’T BASE YOUR LIFE ON RUMOURS
A woman was to see a male client in a particular hotel lobby in Ikoyi. She went with one of her staff who had no business in the meeting. The staff was supposed to be on another project at that time.
I asked her, “Why are you taking your staff with you for the meeting?”
She said, “To avoid rumours. If my driver sees me coming to a hotel with a man without anyone with us, he will begin to carry rumours that are not true”
This got me thinking. Lots of women are dying today based on lies, misrepresentation, and rumours about their husbands which may not be true.
So, get your facts right. If you hear rumours, investigate it carefully but give your husband the benefit of doubt.
GET YOUR EVIDENCE RIGHT; DON’T BASE YOUR MARRIAGE ON SUSPICION
A young wife called our office some months ago. She told us that her husband was sleeping around. We invited both of them to our office, only to discover that her grouse was her husband not sucking her breasts ever since they got married. This made her think he was sucking someone else’s breasts somewhere.
But her dear husband is a “Holy Man” who believed that sucking breasts is a sin. He asked me, “Sir, why should I suck her breasts when I’m not a baby?” We opened his eyes to Proverbs 5:15-19 and he was very shocked. He returned home to do his job right and the wife called me with great joy the second day. That ended her suspicion of infidelity.
Please never accuse your husband wrongly if you don’t have any piece of evidence, it may not be what you think. It can be so hurtful if he is not doing it but he is accused of wrongly. Even, it may make some people go ahead and do it.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTION
No matter what happens, take control of your emotion, even if you get all the pieces of evidence needed and they are watertight. Let your maturity show here. That is why marriage is for matured minds only, not babies in diapers. Cry if you feel like; please cry loudly when alone or with your counsellor. It will help your emotion; it will help you to calm down and think rationally.
REMEMBER THAT KILLING HIM WILL GET YOU INTO DEEP TROUBLE
Remember and have in mind that killing your husband will get you into hot water with the law, disrupt your life forever, put you to shame, hurt your children dearly, make you a widow and make your children fatherless. The cost is much more than having him sleep with another woman.
One woman said, “My husband is a womanizer, but I won’t kill him. At least, they release him to come back home after finishing with him. He needs to come back home to pay house rent and school fees.”
POSITION YOURSELF TO DISCOVER INFIDELITY QUICKLY
Lots of women are clueless. A woman never knew her husband had been unfaithful. She didn’t know that her husband had another family outside until a woman brought three children home for her husband.
Lots of women know that their husbands are unfaithful only after his death.
A woman told us how three women came with four children to her husband’s funeral. She said she was unaware of her husband’s escapades with other women until that day. That is very funny and it shows the lack of knowledge and absence of insensitivity.
If a wife discovers infidelity issues early, the man can be stopped. Some of them need help as they feel trapped but don’t know what to do. You see, no man can be a perfect womanizer beside a very sensitive, Godly and smart wife. There will be clues all around beyond what you are hunting but checking his phones.
There are thirty-seven clues every womanizing man will give out cheaply as they enter into an illicit relationship outside. The infidelity will be boldly written over them no matter how smart they are. But most wives will not be able to read the language in which it is written. So they will live in total darkness despite overwhelming evidence. Everybody around the wife will know but may never tell her because they know she may never believe them.
I will suggest you quickly download my book: PROTECTING YOUR HUSBAND FROM STRANGE WOMEN. In the book, I revealed the thirty-seven clues, where to get them and what to do with them. I also wrote about how to make your husband never to desire any other woman out there.
DON’T FALL INTO DEPRESSION
Some women do not kill their cheating husbands. Instead, they kill themselves by overthinking negatively, depression, high blood pressure many health challenges or suicide.
Do you want to die to make another woman happy? Don’t give her that joy, not at all. NO IMMORAL MAN IS WORTH DYING FOR. Wake up, girl! Cry if you must. Yes, do cry, it is good for your health. But take care of your thinking, take charge of your mind and don’t allow them to steal your joy. No depression. Sing aloud, dance, shout for joy. NO SORRY, NO SORROW! Don’t die for them to come and make love on your tomb, not at all. Live to fulfil your day, take charge of your emotion.
DON’T TURN IT TO A BATTLE
As a counsellor, I know that not all women who killed their husbands intended to kill them, not at all. The problem is that they allowed their emotions to take the better of them and turn their homes to a battlefield. They used any weapon that came to their mind: knives, pestle, frying pan, bottles, grinding stones and anything that could inflict injury.
They turned the battle against themselves in the process and became murderers. What a heavy burden for a woman to bear.
Some people may tell you not to ask your husband about your discovery. No. Ask him, confront him, but do so by applying wisdom. It is not something to handle rashly. In my book: PROTECTING YOUR HUSBAND FROM STRANGE WOMEN, I devoted a whole chapter to discussing how to confront a cheating husband without losing him. It is a very technical issue; you need to know what to do. As I said, you can get the book on Familabooks.com. I will advise you to download the eBook version on your phone so that you can read it discreetly to yourself.
I think every woman needs it especially the chapters that deal with how to protect your husband from other women and how to discover if your husband is cheating on you. Click here to download the book now.
Don’t just blame your husband for sleeping around, check yourself. One study shows that 80% of Nigerian married women hate sex. It also showed that sex is what causes the major crisis in Nigerian marriages as lots of wives are frigid.
Statements such as “I’m tired tonight honey” “Not again tonight honey” “But you did one the day before yesterday” “Is it food?” “Don’t you think of any other thing?” pervades many bedrooms, thus making men vulnerable to willing and ready beauty queens out there.
Most married men want sex two or three times a week. However, lots of married women want sex once a month only. One husband told me that he had not been able to sleep with his wife in the last 6 weeks because she complained of being tired.
It is wrong for any man to sleep around, nobody can justify that for any reason. But it is also wrong to deny your husband sex. Up your game, sex is legal in marriage. You said “I DO” on your wedding day, GO AND DO. If they DO it better out there, you will lose your husband to them. Don’t be foolish; get Hot and sexy with your husband. Pursue your husband, give him a bed shaking sex at home and let him go to the office battered with a back issue tomorrow. You can’t win a man with a hooked bra and padlocked pant. Your body belongs to him. Suffocate him with sex so that when he sees other women, they will look like trees to him.
You will also need to download my book about sex in marriage titled: THE SECRETS OF AN IRRESISTIBLE WIFE to know how to become an extraordinary bedroom expert to your husband and turn him to a lover boy.
UP YOUR GAME
Up your game in every area of wifehood. Cook right, pray rightly, dress right, talk rightly, behave right and sex him rightly. Deal with him till he forgets his surname, he is your husband. What is he looking for outside that you don’t have? But are you giving him? Check yourself and get back to bed hot and sizzling and stop wearing jeans knickers to bed or tying wrapper around your body like a woman of the 17th century.
CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE
What about your behaviour at home? An immoral man told me that his wife stresses him at home but those girls treat him with care. This can be true about lots of women. They see the ring as the right over their husbands to treat them like trash and have their ways the way they want it. Sorry girl, if you treat your king like trash, you may be enthroning a new queen in your position. (Hope I’m not being too harsh on you)
DON’T BOTTLE IT
Don’t ever bottle your discovery about your husband. No, you need to speak out but speak right. If you bottle it, one day you may burst. You may hurt yourself or husband or kill him.
PRAY ABOUT IT
One of the best solutions is prayer. Talk to God about it. Commit your emotions and the situation to God. Commit your husband to the hands of God before you speak to him.
DON’T LEAVE YOUR HOME
Don’t make the mistake of leaving your home because you are angry with your husband. If you do, you will just hand over the keys of your home to these small girls. Don’t be tempted to leave.
REACH OUT TO THE GIRL
You may need to reach out to the girl sleeping with your husband in some cases. It can work if the lady never knew he was married but was deceived. However, if the lady is the “private prostitute” type, this may not work, but you can give it a try.
A young wife called the lady going out with her husband recently and introduced herself as his wife. The girl was so shocked as the guy told her he was not married and promised her marriage. The side chick apologized and broke the relationship. Before you call the girl, investigate her. Check her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Check what she is posting, you will get to know the kind of girl she is in the process.
If you must talk to the girl, please be cautious. Do not fight, do not shout and do not sound beggarly. The lady may be rude and non-cooperative. Don’t bother, just speak to her conscience. Tell her you are her sister, please emphasize the sister point. Let her see reason, talk to her soul. Let her know what you and the children are passing through at home because of her. Let her know how irresponsible your husband has become since dating her. Let her know your labour over your husband and sacrifices since you married him. Let her know that one day she will be married too; ask her how she will feel if such was done to her.
A woman got information that her husband was sleeping around and she investigated to get more details. One day, she knew her husband would likely visit the girl. She paid a bike man to trail his car to wherever he was going. The bike man did as instructed. The wife then decided to visit her husband in the girl’s apartment. Lo, it was her husband who answered the door when she knocked. He was shocked but the wife did not fight (you can’t win when you fight a man’s mistress. He will use your attitude as a reason for running away from the house). She spoke to the conscience of the girl. She spoke kindly to the girl and told her that the man must have been deceiving her like he has been doing to other girls of the age of his daughters. The girl was too confused to utter a word than just to say she was sorry. She told the wife her husband told her wasn’t married because his wife died about three years before they met and promised to marry her.
That was the end of that relationship. The man came back home shamefully and the situation got to him because the wife never fought when he got back home. His food was ready on the table and the wife welcomed him back like a royal. The result, he learned to keep his erection at home.
TALK TO A COUNSELLOR
Before you confront your husband, you will need to see a counsellor, not your family and his family who will complicate the whole matter.
A counsellor will evaluate the whole matter and teach you what to do to get your husband back. So wherever you are, look for a counsellor quickly, don’t die in silence.
If you don’t talk to a counsellor now, you will need to talk to a lawyer later when you are in trouble.
If you want to reach me to talk on the issue of your marriage, let’s talk now, don’t die in silence.
Send me a mail or call right now. I will be glad to talk to you.
Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @bisiadewale
Please, share this for all women to see. Let us stop these incessant domestic killings, every life is sacred, every life is important. Don’t take any life.